Upon learning that Joyce and I have been married for over 32 years, folks often ask, "So what's the secret to a successful marriage?"
And I always answer (despite my having to interrupt about three seconds into Joyce's "Ummmm, well ... uh, let me see ... uhhhhhh ..."): "Gift giving! Joyce can always count on me to give the perfect gift on just the right occasion. I mean, how can she keep herself from loving a guy who knows how to satisfy her deepest desires the way I do?"
And since I'm such a caring and sensitive guy (as a service to my vast readership here at the LOST FART), I always keep my eye out for helpful holiday gift ideas that can aid you on your journey to marital bliss.
Some of you may remember my dynamite Mother's Day gift suggestion from last year: "The Rodenator". As great a gift as the Rodenator was for any mother with a troublesome gopher infestation, not all moms are potato farmers in Idaho. So as Mother's Day looms, you may be asking yourself, "But what should I get my non-agrarian mom on her big day? Is there a gift that almost every mother can use?"
Indeed there is. I have found that perfect present for virtually every mom. Consider this: It's simply a statistical fact that most moms are married, and among all those married moms, the vast majority of them are wed to a member of the cruder gender. And further, among all those mothers who foolishly married men, there's a near statistical certainty that her man suffers from chronic nighttime flatulence. So here it is: The one Mother's Day gift that is sure to make mom's life much more pleasant.
Don't thank me. I'm a giver.
And I always answer (despite my having to interrupt about three seconds into Joyce's "Ummmm, well ... uh, let me see ... uhhhhhh ..."): "Gift giving! Joyce can always count on me to give the perfect gift on just the right occasion. I mean, how can she keep herself from loving a guy who knows how to satisfy her deepest desires the way I do?"
And since I'm such a caring and sensitive guy (as a service to my vast readership here at the LOST FART), I always keep my eye out for helpful holiday gift ideas that can aid you on your journey to marital bliss.
Some of you may remember my dynamite Mother's Day gift suggestion from last year: "The Rodenator". As great a gift as the Rodenator was for any mother with a troublesome gopher infestation, not all moms are potato farmers in Idaho. So as Mother's Day looms, you may be asking yourself, "But what should I get my non-agrarian mom on her big day? Is there a gift that almost every mother can use?"
Indeed there is. I have found that perfect present for virtually every mom. Consider this: It's simply a statistical fact that most moms are married, and among all those married moms, the vast majority of them are wed to a member of the cruder gender. And further, among all those mothers who foolishly married men, there's a near statistical certainty that her man suffers from chronic nighttime flatulence. So here it is: The one Mother's Day gift that is sure to make mom's life much more pleasant.
Don't thank me. I'm a giver.
10 comments:
ah, too bad my love language is not gifts...
although we do need a new mattress...
and just THREE easy payments of $40 each...whoa
Forget about Mother's Day. I need one of those. It must be a family trait.
do they make drapes of this stuff for the bathroom??
and how about a blanket that repels cat fleas??
Joyceee--
So are you concerned that my flagrant fragrance wafting out the bathroom window may be disturbing the boom-box-playing drunks next door?
Jerry--
No need to be sharing that -- let's let Barbara air her own issues (or issue her own air).
This is truly the gift that keeps on giving. If I don't get one of these for Mother's Day JP will be in trouble. You've done the leg work.
I must say that I prefer Oust over Febreeze as my line of defense.
oh, and we have rules for this kind of behavior. JP doesn't go by the rules, he's a rebel, but they make me feel better when complaining.
one example:
no farting while eating
Can you tell this a subject about which I am passionate?
I need that blanket for protection...
the flowers from the youngest where huge ! funeral size. Best to enjoy them now instead of at the funeral. ha. But, the lily like flower stinks. I could not stand it a day longer...
and getting to eat out twice on Mother's Day ! THE BEST !
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