"Dharkan Abhaljum" Writes...

I just received an email (tagged with a "Suspected Spam" warning from the company's email administrator).

This suspect email begins:

Dear Sir or Madam,
We regret if this letter brings to you trouble, But this dispatch has only the kind purposes. ...

"Suspected Spam," you caution? You think?

(Golly, maybe I shouldn't have clicked on that embedded link.)

Now That's Smooth

Joyce: So how did you like your smoothie?

Bob: It was ... um ... okay. Why do you ask?

Joyce: No reason. So how did you like it?

Bob: It was ... good. What did you put in it?

Joyce: It's good for you ... and you liked it, didn't you?

Bob: It was okay. So in what way was it good for me?

Joyce: It's good for your digestion. And you liked it, didn't you?

Bob: It was okay. So what was in it?

Joyce: Frozen orange juice.

Bob: Orange juice ... aaaaand ... ?

Joyce: Things that are good for you.

Bob: Such as ... ?

Joyce: Just stuff.

Glottal Opera

Joyce just showed me this from Neat-o-rama.

I have just one question: "Who thinks to try this sort of thing?"

I Shouldn't Ask, But ...

Isn't it time we stopped denying the obvious? When was the last time we heard news reports of radical Baptists opened fire on innocent civilians? And where are all those Roman Catholic terrorists hiding? Rampaging Lutherans? Marauding Methodists? Episcopalian Jihadis?

So why are we never surprised to learn that the latest atrocity was carried out by a devout Muslim? Is there perhaps a difference between Christianity and Islam? Is the God who lays down His life to ransom sinful mankind from slavery to sin maybe a little different than the God who commands His slaves to commit mass murder against those who don't bow to Him five times a day?

Here's the video of Major Nidal Malik Hasan buying his morning cup of coffee just six hours before he attacked his fellow soldiers.

Tell me, is this a person who will suddenly snap a mere six hours later? Or someone who has just finished loading his 50+ rounds into several magazines and is now proceeding with his normal morning routine? It seems to me, this guy isn't someone who needs to be committed -- he's already committed. And just six hours after buying his usual cup-o-joe, he'll demonstrate just how committed he really is.

Isn't it time we faced the fact that it's Islam itself (not just a lunatic fringe group or two) that's at war with Western Civilization?

Trick or Treat

Tonight's the night. Tonight our flower girl blossoms and makes her big debut in her starring roll as ...

Jessie (from Toy Story 2)

Transition

The company where I work outsources its Information Technology (IT) services. Our experience with our old IT service provider has been so unsatisfactory that the company took the first chance it had to cancel its service agreement with that vendor. The new IT service provider will be taking over (following a very painful transition) on November 1.

Today I got an invitation to a Group Luncheon (an unrelated event) scheduled for November 11. But in my email acceptance of the invitation, I couldn't resist the temptation to add:
"Is there any significance to this being on Armistice Day (the day World War One ended)?"


And in reply I got this:
"Yes, but we may be starting an new one with [new IT service provider]."

Our Fractured Fight Song

{To the Tune of the Notre Dame Fight Song}

Bassett is brave and Bassett is bold.
Bassett's a team that no team can hold.
When we fight we fight to win,
'cuz Bassett, you know, just won't give in.
When the last play is run through with ease,
Just for the fans of Bassett to please,
We will sing with all our might
The song of maroon and white ... fight, fight, fight! ...
{repeat ad nauseum}

As all my fellow near-northeast-side El Pasoans will recognize, these are the immortal lyrics to the fight song of Bassett Junior High, unless of course they've changed since 1965 (or more likely -- the official fight song is now sung only in Spanish). Bassett (that school next to the quarry -- McMillan's Quarry, to be precise) is a feeder school for Austin High and is itself fed by Crockett, Rusk and Travis. As a school, Bassett rocked! ... literally. When the quarry would set off a charge and boulders would shower down from the 400-foot cliff face (moving the limestone wall back a few more feet) our classroom windows would rattle and we'd actually feel the seismic vibration through our school desks.

No doubt you're asking yourself, "So what dynamite mascot would earth-shattering Bassett Junior High School choose?" Well, smack yourself on the forehead for missing the obvious ... we were the Bassett "Hounds". That's right, Bassett Hounds! You know -- those docile, lethargic sawed-off Blood Hounds, who (with ears so long and legs so short) are in constant danger of treading on themselves. So given such an "awesome" mascot, is there any wonder we smart-ass seventh-graders found cause to poke fun at Bassett's ferocity as a football powerhouse?

Thus it came to be, as the rest of Mrs Van Slyke's music class dutifully stood and gustily sang of the Bassett Hounds' invincibility, we (a handful of my buddies and I) joined in with a slightly more realistic song of this squat dog's prowess:

Bassett is bold and Bassett is brave.
Bassett's a team that no team can save.
When we fight we fight to win,
But somehow we end up giving in.
When the last play is fumbled with ease,
That's when the coach will fall to his knees.
Then we'll cheer and drink our beer
For the flee-bitten Bassett Hounds ... Bite, bite, bite! ...

Mrs Van Slyke was not amused.

"Wake Up! They're about to Nuke the Moon!"

Those were the exact words Joyce spoke this morning. I'd like to say I'm so wise that I immediately thought to myself: Now Bob, there's no need to correct Joyce by saying: "No, my love. The rocket that's going to hit the moon this morning doesn't have a nuclear warhead." But the truth is, as I slowly emerged from my deep slumber, the only thought that passed through my head was: Nuke the moon? Kewl!

Now that my morning fog has lifted, it occurs to me that slamming a rocket into a luckless crater near the moon's south pole would have been a major media event back when I was a grade-schooler in the early sixties. I remember well Alan Shepard's sub-orbital flight, which lasted a whopping fifteen minutes (more or less) -- compelling us third-graders to gather around a radio in the school auditorium and listen to engineers and test pilots shouting "Roger that!" at each other over a steady roar of static. Nah, we weren't the least bit bothered by the lack of any cool pictures being beamed back from outer space. After all, George Lucas was probably among this throng of kids gathered around America's school radios, so back in those pre-Star-Wars days our special-effects expectations were pretty low. As we hunkered around our new-fangled "transistors" (seeing only the tension on our teachers' faces), we had to use our imaginations to visualize the wild ride Colonel Shepard was taking. But our imaginations weren't limited to the trajectory of Freedom 7. With each break in the static, we were also picturing all the soon-to-be discovered alien monsters who lived on exotic card-board-walled worlds -- claymation monsters who were very likely lurking behind that huge papier mache boulder right over there. Space was truly magical back in 1961.

But this morning (after Joyce's announcement that the moon is under nuclear attack) I got up, did my bathroom ritual, wandered into the kitchen to refresh my mug (which Joyce had lovingly delivered earlier), then stood behind Joyce at her computer and watched the live-stream moon craters growing larger. The image froze. Then some tech guy at JPL heralded the impact with the words "Thermal signature!" I kissed my wife goodbye, stepped out into a steady downpour, got into my Jap car and turned on the radio, just in time to hear Vic Ratner patiently explaining that the moon is way too massive to be knocked out of its orbit by something the size of an SUV. Still the local radio host kept insisting: "But what if something had gone wrong? Isn't there some danger we could damage the moon?" I thought Vic Ratner was very nice not to answer: "O Lord, what was I thinking? You're right! ... If we keep this up, we could end up with a moon that's just covered with craters!"

But I also thought to myself: Gee, the future sure ain't what it used to be.

Dealing with that Age-old Problem ...

Head-on.

* Lifted from "Outside the Beltway"

Top Ten Reasons ...

Obama didn't bring the 2016 Olympics to Chicago:


Number 10... At International Olympic Committeee meetings ... dead people can't vote.

Number 9... Obama believes in American exceptionalism, just as the IOC believes in Brazilian exceptionalism.

Number 8... Who cares if Obama couldn't talk the IOC into holding the Olympics in Chicago, as long as he can talk Iran out of its nukes.

Number 7... Given the partisanship that's blocking passage of comprehensive health care, no president would have been able to accomplish it.

Number 6... Just as Obama has said all along, "Chicago is not the only place that can host the Olympics."

Number 5... This isn't about the number of Olympics "lost", it's about the number of Olympics "saved" or "created".

Number 4... With Israel still building settlements, no wonder there's no progress with the IOC.

Number 3... Clearly there aren't enough wise Latina judges on the IOC.

Number 2... Just look at this mess George Bush left Obama to clean up.

And the number one reason Obama didn't bring the 2016 Olympics to Chicago ...
The IOC is RACIST!

Find the Joke

At work I've been writing a proposal for a new coordinate system (related to mapping of the company's facilities). I wrote a proposal just like this sixteen years ago and just to see if anyone actually read it, I embedded a joke in the "Glossary of Terms".

No one evvverrrr found it.

So now that the time has come time to polish that old gem, I've decided to test it again. Since y'all are much sharper than my company's management, let's just see if you can spot it. (I've spared you having to read the entire twelve-page proposal and just excerpted the section of the glossary that contains the quip.)

...

Eccentricity – eccentricity of an ellipsoid, œ = arccos(1 – f ), where f is the ellipsoidal flattening. (See “Flattening”.)

Ellipsoid – a flattened sphere, mathematically defined by the equation: [(x² + y²)/a²] + z²/b² = 1; where “a” is the semimajor axis and “b” is the semiminor axis. The two ellipsoids mentioned in this proposal are: the Clarke Spheroid of 1866 (used by NAD27) and the defined ellipsoid for the World Geodetic System of 1984 (WGS84).

Flattening – ellipsoidal flattening, f (the “flattening” of an ellipsoid defined by [(x² + y²)/a²] + z²/b² = 1) is defined as f = (a - b)/a = 1- cos(œ), where œ is the eccentricity of the ellipsoid. The referenced ellipsoid of GRS84 uses the inverse of the flattening (the reciprocal of f ) as a defining parameter.

Geodetic Coordinates – latitude and longitude referenced to a datum.

Geographic Information System (GIS) – computer software system designed to collect, manage, manipulate, analyze, and display spatially referenced data.

Latitude – geodetic latitude: the angle (φ) between the equatorial plane and a line that is normal to the reference ellipsoid. By convention points in the northern hemisphere are assigned positive values (0º ≤ φ ≤ 90º) and those in the southern hemisphere are assigned negative values (0º > φ ≥ -90º).

Longitude – the angle (λ), measured east or west of the Prime Meridian to the meridian passing through another position on the Earth’s surface. By convention points in the eastern hemisphere are assigned positive values (0º ≤ λ ≤ 180º) and those in the western hemisphere are assigned negative values (0º > λ > -180º).

Map Projection – mathematical mapping of points on the surface of the Earth to unique points on a plane, or ascribing to a map feelings which one denies of self.

North American Datum of 1927 (NAD27) – horizontal control datum for the United States, which was defined by a location and azimuth on the Clarke spheroid of 1866, with origin at the survey station “Meades Ranch”, Kansas.

North American Datum of 1983 (NAD83) – horizontal control datum for the United States, Canada, Mexico, and Central America, based on a geocentric origin and the Geodetic Reference System 1980 (GRS80). NAD83 was based on the adjustment of 250,000 points including 600 satellite Doppler stations. For land survey purposes, NAD83 is essentially synonymous with WGS84 (differing only in its definition for the “inverse of the flattening”: 298.257222101 [for NAD83] versus 298.257223563 [for WGS84] – a difference that affects long-term orbital computations, but has no practical effect when computing terrestrial positions). ...

Racism Quiz

Do you think:
1. The U.S. Federal government has overstepped its Constitutional limits?

2. The U.S. Federal government should not run up huge deficits and then have the Federal Reserve bank "buy" that debt with dollars it creates out of thin air?

3. The U.S. Federal government should never take over bail out any private business?

4. The U.S. Federal government should not nationalize the mortgage investment industry?

5. The U.S. Federal government should not nationalize the health care industry?

6. The U.S. President's job description does not include bowing to foreign potentates or apologizing to America's sworn enemies?

7. The U.S. President should not appoint unconfirmed czars who act as the puppet masters of his official Cabinet?

8. The U.S. President should not demonize his opposition and deride them for "clinging to their guns and religion"?

9. The U.S. President should not betray America's allies in Poland and the Czech Republic?

10. The U.S. President should not give Iranian mullahs the comfort of knowing that the U.S. actively opposes Israel's right to defend itself against nuclear attack from Iran.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are definitely a racist!