Saturday, May 28, 2011

Wifely Jealousy

Bob: Good dog, Tifa!

Joyce: Are you hugging Andy's dog?

Bob: She's leaning on me and I'm petting her.

Joyce: I saw you; you were hugging the dog! I am so jealous!

Bob: There's no need to be jealous, dear. C'mon -- group hug!

Saturday, May 21, 2011


Joyce and I have three sons (Andy, James and Ben). If I hadn't been there myself, I'd never believe they were all drawn from the same womb. Their differences are best explained with a pithy story.

During the summer of 2000, we visited the farm (the home of Joyce's mother's family in central Illinois since the 1870s). One morning Ben (12 years old at that time) and I went for a bicycle ride down to the grain elevator, about a mile away. Once we'd absorbed all the wonders the Galesville elevator has to offer, Ben and I pedaled back to Grandpa's, where we found Andy (18) and James (13) in the front yard mystifyingly facing a large bush.

So Ben inquired, "Wucha doin?"

Andy matter-of-factly explained, "Pickin greenberries."

James innocently corrected, "No, we're picking the black ones!"

Ben eyeballed Andy and sarcastically intoned, "Nice try."

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Premature Gesticulation

Today President Obama announced that Israel needs to immediately withdraw to its pre-1967 Auschwitz borders. But I think old Barry has jumped the gun a bit here. Since the Rapture isn't supposed to happen until this Saturday, the Antichrist really should have had the decency to wait until Sunday to reveal himself.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Obama Bin Who?

My son Andy noticed this news scroll and just knew I'd want to share it:

Thanks, Andy!