Thursday, November 27, 2008

Now It Makes Sense

The Feds are giving CitiCorp a $200-billion bailout, and I was wondering where all of that bailout money was coming from -- when suddenly the obvious struck me: "aftershave!"

Please understand, I don't begrudge the TSA for confiscating my over-four-ounce containers that weren't in quart-sized baggies. Heck, I know that the contents of my shaving kit are dangerous, especially those shaving-cream aerosols. Shux, Mike Boneto and I figured that out on our own, after school one afternoon way back in the fifth grade. We'd tossed a can of spray paint into the incinerator at Rusk Elementary and had just given up on standing at the mouth of the furnace watching it not explode. We were half-way across the playground, when all of a sudden the loudest explosion I'd ever heard spun us both around just in time to see all those sawdust floor-sweepings and Big-Chief-tablet remnants erupt -- spewing sparks and smoke half-way across the courtyard as far as the drinking fountain. Long before the janitor similarly exploded from his lair, we were a block away, (though leaving a conspicuous road-runner-esque cloud of dust that Wiley Coyote would have no problem following).

So sure, I understand why it was necessary to make sure my carry-on was purged of terror weapons, but still I always wondered what became of my half-used treasures that the TSA (an acronym for "Takes Stuff Away") absconded with. Now it all makes sense. They've held a big garage sale and raked in hundreds of billions from all he goodies that I and my similarly hapless travelers have donated. So whenever the world manages to pull out of this financial tailspin, I'll have the satisfaction of knowing -- I've done my part.

Don't thank me -- I'm a giver.


Jerry said...

If anyone doesn't believe your veracity, all they need to do is look at the numerous pocket knife and nail clipper lots being sold by "Takes Stuff Away" on Ebay.

Hula Doula said...

*snort Takes Stuff Away...I'm still laughing.
I think I made a donation myself here recently of a very lovely hair spray. It was a squiggle over the limit. I knew better. GAH.

Bag Blog said...

That is very funny. I remember sitting by the burning trash can in the alley behind our house waiting on a can of hairspray to blow up. I think I was late to school that day and the dang thang never blew.