Geriatric Foreplay

I felt humiliated, but Joyce asked ...

Joyce: So d'ya wanna go again?

Bob: I'd love to, but you don't have to do it just to please me.

Joyce: Poor thing. Did I wear you out?

Bob: No, but are you sure you're up to it?

Joyce: Do I hear some performance anxiety?

Bob: Oh Baby, trust me, you can never wear me out.

Joyce: Big talker! So let's get it on.

I shouldn't brag, but candor compels me to tell you: I nailed that woman of mine -- left her gasping, I did.

Bingoed three times (INCITER, MALINGER and EYELASH) and came out on top of a 390-299 score. She'll think twice before she challenges me to a Scrabble game again.

Elmo Juice

A little while ago I opened the fridge ... and behold, I found a couple of new juice selections...


Bob: "Joy-eeeece!"

Joyce: "Yay-ess?"

Bob: "We have Elmo Juice in the fridge ... and Belle from 'Beauty and the Beast' is trapped inside a plastic wrap, and she seems to be staring at me rather accusingly."

Joyce: "That's Cinderella."

Bob: "My bad. Uhhh --- does this have anything to do with the granddaughter flying in from Alaska on Tuesday?"

Joyce: "Why yes, as a matter of fact, it does."

Bob: "That's okay then. I'm just glad to know you aren't buying the Elmo Juice for me."

Joyce: "Now that raises an interesting question: What do you suppose is in Elmo Juice?"

Bob: "Isn't that obvious? You take a quart pitcher of water and stir in a half cup of ground Elmo..."

Joyce: "Dear, that's obvious only to you."

Sorry About That

I do apologize for the inconvenience, but I've been forced to enable comment verification. Henceforth (or at least until I decide the spam threat has passed), if you want to comment, you'll have to type those funky nonsense words that Blogger challenges you with.

Getting Cold Feet

Joyce: You know, if you raised the foot rest on the recliner, your feet would be in the sun.

Bob: Right.

Joyce: So, aren't you going to put your feet in the sun?

Bob: No.

Joyce: But it would keep your feet warm.

Bob: True, but my feet aren't cold.

Joyce: They must be.

Bob: Are your feet cold?

Joyce: Yeah ...

Bob: So if I put my feet in the sun, do you think that would make your feet feel warmer?

Joyce: It wouldn't hurt.

Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin

I blog because I enjoy my own writing a little more than I should. But today I'm sharing something I'd rather not even think about much less write about. Over at Gateway Pundit there's a two-part post that exposes the reading list that President Obama's Safe Schools Czar Kevin Jennings recommends. The list is divided into three main categories: books recommended for grades K-6; books recommended for grades 7-12; and books for teachers. The books on the list span all genres: fiction, nonfiction, memoirs, even poetry.

If the Lord doesn't utterly wipe America off the map for our complacency and complicity in this, He owes a huge apology to Sodom and Gomorrah.

Ya Gotta Have Heart

Yesterday Joyce and I drove to Fort Sill to attend a promotion ceremony for James and six of his fellow second lieutenants (er, his now fellow first lieutenants). Among the attendees was James's brigade commander who shared some thoughts, which I paraphrase here.

"There's a trite saying, 'The NCO corps is the backbone of the Army.' That's trite, but it's also true. But we shouldn't take it as a slight of the officer corps. The Army has different ranks for different purposes. Commanding officers are the head; enlisted personnel, the bone and muscle. But lieutenants (the part of the command structure in direct contact with the troops) are the heart of the Army."

I thought the colonel's words were inspirational. It's true. The effectiveness of a unit does depending greatly on the ability of lowly lieutenants to inspire their soldiers to carry out the mission.

But the colonel's analogy brought to mind another one, a four-decade-old metaphor that a lowly lieutenant once conceived. My oldest brother Joel had been asked to speak on the subject of what he, as an AG (Adjutant General) officer, did. (For those of you who may not be familiar with the AG, the Adjutant General Corps is the branch of the Army that handles personnel actions: promotions, changes of station, deployments, discharges, etc.)

Joel (speaking to a group of battle-hardened Vietnam veterans) put it something like this.

"The Army can be likened to the human body, with every part performing a different function. There's the leg Infantry. There are the powerful combat arms of Artillery and Armor. Military Intelligence is the eyes and ears of the Army; Signal Corps its voice.

"And then you have the Adjutant General Corps ...

"Oh sure, I know what part of the Army you think we desk jockeys are, but you're wrong -- we aren't the asshole.

"We," stammered Joel's quavering voice, as his hand shook as if with fear, "we are ... the nerves!"


"You see, for the body to function, it must be under the command of the brain (the Pentagon). And the brain must have a way to convey its orders to the rest of the body. And there's where we in AG come in. Just as the nervous system carries messages from the brain, we convey orders from the Pentagon all the way to the lowest soldier. So you see ... if it weren't for us, you'd never get the orders that send you to Vietnam."

With that, Joel beat a hasty retreat from the podium and left the room.

Dimocrats!

Figuring it's a good idea to keep an eye on the Democrats, I got myself on a mailing list of the Democratic National Committee. So now I get regular email updates about those dastardly Republicans who are trying to defeat ObamaCare. Here's their latest appeal for money:

Bob --

Right now, Sarah Palin is on a highly publicized, nationwide book tour, attacking President Obama and his plan for health reform at every turn.

It's dangerous. Remember, this is the person who coined the term "Death Panels" -- and opened the flood gates for months of false attacks by special interests and partisan extremists.

Whatever lie comes next will be widely covered by the media, then constantly echoed by right-wing attack groups and others who are trying to defeat reform.

As we approach the final sprint on health reform, we can't afford more deception and delay. We need to be ready for anything -- and have the resources to respond with ads, events, and calls to Congress when the attacks come.

So we're setting a big goal: $500,000 in the next week to help push back against Sarah Palin and her allies. Please chip in $5 or more to help reach our goal.

Golly! So now it seems Sarah Palin (by promoting her best-selling book about her life in Alaska -- having Iditarod racing dogs named after her, etc.) is engaged in a right-wing attack on the Glorious Leader. Who knew?

As it happens, Joyce is currently reading Sarah Palin's book "Going Rogue" and whenever she comes to a funny or touching passage, she shares it. My sweetheart promises I'll be able actually hold the book as soon as she's done, but for now I have to be content with the tidbits that she excerpts for me. Anyway, if the sampling I've heard so far is any indication, Sarah Palin's tome is hardly a "dangerous" weapon being wielded by the Republican attack machine.

So why is the DNC suddenly so given to hyperbole? My guess: "projection". Those who can't face the evil of their own motives are psychologically compelled to project that evil on others. The DNC's paranoid belief that Sarah Palin is promoting her autobiography because she hates the Glorious Leader is a pretty good clue what motivates their personal attacks on Sarah Palin and her family.

Close Encounters of the Redneck Kind

Lifted from Neat-O-Rama:

Close Encounters of the Redneck Kind from Marc Bullard on Vimeo.

"Dharkan Abhaljum" Writes...

I just received an email (tagged with a "Suspected Spam" warning from the company's email administrator).

This suspect email begins:

Dear Sir or Madam,
We regret if this letter brings to you trouble, But this dispatch has only the kind purposes. ...

"Suspected Spam," you caution? You think?

(Golly, maybe I shouldn't have clicked on that embedded link.)

Now That's Smooth

Joyce: So how did you like your smoothie?

Bob: It was ... um ... okay. Why do you ask?

Joyce: No reason. So how did you like it?

Bob: It was ... good. What did you put in it?

Joyce: It's good for you ... and you liked it, didn't you?

Bob: It was okay. So in what way was it good for me?

Joyce: It's good for your digestion. And you liked it, didn't you?

Bob: It was okay. So what was in it?

Joyce: Frozen orange juice.

Bob: Orange juice ... aaaaand ... ?

Joyce: Things that are good for you.

Bob: Such as ... ?

Joyce: Just stuff.

Glottal Opera

Joyce just showed me this from Neat-o-rama.

I have just one question: "Who thinks to try this sort of thing?"

I Shouldn't Ask, But ...

Isn't it time we stopped denying the obvious? When was the last time we heard news reports of radical Baptists opened fire on innocent civilians? And where are all those Roman Catholic terrorists hiding? Rampaging Lutherans? Marauding Methodists? Episcopalian Jihadis?

So why are we never surprised to learn that the latest atrocity was carried out by a devout Muslim? Is there perhaps a difference between Christianity and Islam? Is the God who lays down His life to ransom sinful mankind from slavery to sin maybe a little different than the God who commands His slaves to commit mass murder against those who don't bow to Him five times a day?

Here's the video of Major Nidal Malik Hasan buying his morning cup of coffee just six hours before he attacked his fellow soldiers.

Tell me, is this a person who will suddenly snap a mere six hours later? Or someone who has just finished loading his 50+ rounds into several magazines and is now proceeding with his normal morning routine? It seems to me, this guy isn't someone who needs to be committed -- he's already committed. And just six hours after buying his usual cup-o-joe, he'll demonstrate just how committed he really is.

Isn't it time we faced the fact that it's Islam itself (not just a lunatic fringe group or two) that's at war with Western Civilization?