Friday, February 6, 2009

Such a Deal!

No one has ever tried so valiantly to ignore a conversation -- honest, I tried. But alas I failed.

So there I am, my eyes riveted to Ann Coulter's latest tome. Lady Ann is landing solid blows with her steely sixteen-pound rhetoric, blasting huge chunks from that most sacred of bleeding-heart icons: single mothers. But the enthusiastic young man sitting in the seat across from me just won't shut up, so enthused is he about new money-making possibilities.

He's sharing an amazing opportunity with the Pakistani guy who's squeezed in next to me: "There's absolutely zero downside to this, and the returns are phenomenal!"

Ah, the naivety of callow youth, my brain answers (as my eyes -- realizing that they've lost touch with my frontal lobes -- begin searching for the beginning of that last sentence).

"He says it's all a matter of lending money to people you know who need the help."

Unbidden, my distracted mind volunteers, A real humanitarian, that financial adviser of yours.

"He's got a track record of 99.4% pay-off on the loans he makes in low-income neighborhoods."

Yeah, and a collector who can break thumbs sure comes in handy.

"Most of his loans are to women."

Good grief! Extorting money from nursing mothers whose abusive boyfriends drink away their paychecks. What a fantastic business opportunity!

The train eases to a stop at the station before mine, and the excited financial wizard and his sidekick, Gunga Din, both rise from their seats: "99.4% pay-off! That's absolutely amazing, isn't it?"

The Lord helps those who help themselves.

8 comments:

Jerry said...

I imagine that Bernie Madoff's solicitations must have sounded something like that.

Ky Woman said...

PT Barnum once said "there's a fool born every minute"...


And a fool and his money are soon parted!

:)

Bag Blog said...

No such thing as a free lunch.

By the way, my dad had my brother and I memorize "Gunga Din" when we were very young - brought back some memories.

Bob said...

Bag Blog--
Sure, but do you know "Fuzzy Wuzzy"? (Kipling's, not that one about the hairless bear.) Seriously now, you're right -- that poem is a real 'jerker:
"...Though I've belted you and flayed you,
By the livin' Gawd that made you,
You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!"

Ky Woman--
I feel no sympathy for that fool, but I did find it troubling that this guy saw nothing morally questionable about taking money off desperate people. Sure, micro-loans to enterprising people in third-world countries can help them. But as a money-making enterprise, usurious lending to the poor ranks morally right there with prostitution.

Jerry--
But the real problem is, this is no Ponzi scheme. This could work!

Bag Blog said...

Fuuny, I almost wrote the same part of Gunga Din that you wrote.

Missy said...

You state things so well! Are you in politics? Interested? We could use people like you to tell it like it is! BTW, you have a great sense of humor!

Jerry said...

Bob in Politics?

Yeah, it might work. In fact, I heard one of your Senators stating that she wants to run for Governor, so her seat will be open.

However, Bob in the Senate might lead to a bloodbath on the Senate floor, seeing as he is a steely eyed killer.

jennifer said...

I bet he gets excited when he sees Spam in his email inbox...

"I am a Prince displaced from my throne. If you will give me your bank account number I will transfer my millions into it and we will split the money. Please, I need your help."

Hope you are doing well Bob!