Sunday, January 11, 2009

On Being An Illustration

This morning I taught Sunday school. Before we left the house (as is my usual custom) I shared my lesson notes with Joyce. I figure that's only fair since I tend to illustrate the Bible lesson with things that Joyce and I talk about -- so giving her an advanced copy of the notes is kind of like reading her a Miranda warning: Everything you've said has been used against you as a lesson illustration.

So anyway, after Sunday school we were in church waiting for the sermon. Unlike Catholics, we Evangelicals don't believe in Purgatory -- we believe in interminable announcements and "worship" services (i.e., painful music with heretical words and worse instrumentation). A guy who was about to sing for the offertory was spending an inordinate amount of time introducing his song, preaching his little sermonette about how we are members of one body and each of us plays a different part: "Not everyone is and eye, not everyone is a mouth, not everyone is a hand ..." As he droned on, I leaned over and whispered to Joyce, "... yeah, but the Body of Christ doesn't seem to have any shortage of assholes."

Joyce smiled back and asked, "Didn't you hear anything in Sunday school?" Then she proceeded to pull out out my lesson notes and pointed to Colossians 3:8 -- "But now also, put aside anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech from your mouth. So, what do you suppose this word 'slander' means?" my bride inquired.

I, of course, immediately pointed to Colossians 3:18 -- "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

Not to be outdone, she move my finger to the next verse -- "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them."

So I guess the point of this story is simply this: If there's anything worse than being a lesson illustration, it's having your wife point it out.

12 comments:

joyce said...

Folks at church will never know what long hours you put into your good lessons, and how you edit and re-edit and craft them, and come super prepared despite having a wife who has a thought and its out her mouth. And I love to brag that I sleep with my Sunday School teacher. Nobody does it better...

Bob said...

That's nuthin -- I sleep with my barber.

joyce said...

LADY barber.

Bob said...

I stand corrected -- my hairstylist.

joyce said...

As long as she is me.

Bob said...

Who else could you be but you?

joyce said...

I could be the one who turns on your electric blanket...

Hula Doula said...

Such banter! I'm glad she pointed out what she did. I was hoping there wouldn't be a rebellion in the house.
I originally thought that Joyce was confessing to something. In the spirit of confession of these sorts I sleep with my BRILLIANT handy man. I like it that way.

Ky Woman said...

You two are certainly the pair...


Thanks for making me laugh.

Bag Blog said...

My brother and I had a similar discussion once: "You have to submit to your husband." he said (lording it over me). I came back with, "Yeah, but you have to lay down your life for your wife."

Chicka said...

We were snickering all through those vows when we got married.

And we totally skipped the "does anyone see just cause" part, because we knew his mother would start some drama.

We still giggle about the "submissions..."

Bob said...

Chicka--
Yeah, that "submitting" thing for you gals would be a lot easier if we guys did the "love just as Christ loved" thing better. It's not that I'm opposed to love -- but that "just as ..." part is a bear.