Sunday, January 18, 2009

Plumber's Helper

Joyce: I really appreciate your replacing the wax ring. You know, butt crack really turns me on.

Bob: You're welc... Aw crap!

Joyce: What's wrong?

Bob: I just dropped a hold-down bolt down the sewer. It's down there too far to reach.

Joyce: Can you fish it out with a magnet?

Bob: No, it's made out of brass.

Joyce: Could you use your wetback?

Bob: What? Well, I suppose if I had a wetback with long skinny arms, he might be able to reach it.

Joyce: No, not a wetback ... your Wet Vac!

Bob: Oh, the ShopVac! Great idea!

Joyce: See, I'm good for something. I don't know the names of your tools, but I know what they're for.

Bob: Yeah, you're very good.

15 comments:

Jerry said...

A guy that I work with is always scared that he is going to be hit by a "Kenmore" when crossing a busy street in Santa Fe.

No matter how many times that he has been told he is still convinced that he is going to be done in by a washer/dryer combo instead of a tractor trailer rig.

Missy said...

I love pretty tools! Great post! BTW, what is an elderberry?

joyce said...

When will the caulk be dry?

Maybe they need to invent a hoist that holds the potty up so you can align it, like they do engines. What is that called, block and tackle? (not football, the tool?)

JAMIE'S CREW said...

Love it! My maternal grandmother was ALWAYS saying stuff like this. One of the easiest to repeat in this forum is how she always called a CASSETTE tape a CASSINETTE tape.

And then also - a good ole country boy my hubby worked with once told a story about his son's tenacles being swollen - but, I digress....

Bob said...

Jamie--
Ouch - I bet swollen tentacles are painful.

Joyceee--
The caulk will be dry to the touch tomorrow. Yeah, aligning the bolts can be tricky.

Missy--
That's an allusion to a scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where a Frenchman on the wall of a castle taunts King Arthur: "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

Jerry--
He'll probably get run over by a Peterbilt.

Bag Blog said...

Joyce and Jesse need to get together - I bet that would be an interesting conversation.

Bou said...

Oh this so sounds like something my Mom would say. Holy cow that was funny!

It could also be something my sister said. That means you could extrapolate that maybe I could be heard saying something like that. Heh!

jennifer said...

Y'all are too cute! It's good to have a handyman around except, you know, pull up your britches.

joyce said...

I get the prize---I clogged the potty first. But, you will be so proud of me. It was my potty, and I did not use the plunger. I just flushed a dozen times. Whew.

leeann said...

I say the Monty Python thing a lot, but it's usually at times I should just shut the hell up and move on, like to the guy at the post office who insists on telling me all about the kinds of stamps they have for sale that day. I said it once to a nurse at the hospital who was trying to put an I.V. the size of a basketball valve in my wrist, but she'd already dug the hole so I didn't risk much.

Bob said...

Leeann--
Yeah, timing is everything -- or so I hear. (Can't prove it by me.)

Joyceee--
Plunge away, dear. As long as the main line is clear, there's no danger of blowing out the wax ring.

Jennifer--
Britches? Those bind, don't they?

Bou--
Actually, it's my hearing that's the problem. I heard wetback, but Joyce never said that.

Bag Blog--
Jesse and Joyce would understand each other just fine. Me? I'd misunderstand every other word.

Chicka said...

Sounds like you need some crack spackle!

And we wimmin...we know all about your tools. *snicker*

Bob said...

Chicka--
I have crack spackle, but only in brown.

Jamie Dawn said...

Thanks for your recent visit to my blog.
:-)
I had two plumbers here working on a problem at my brother's house today. Thankfully, I did NOT see any bohunkus cracks, or butt cracks as you call them.

Hula Doula said...

Oh mercy I'm laughing my head off.
Either she didn't really know or you didn't hear her.
HB the other day commented that he was upset because another little kid took his red, yellow, and green paper. He was aiming to make a useless book. I asked him where he heard about it. He said that it was useless because it had no pictures or words and then explained that he heard it in chapel. I told him it was called a Wordless Book and it was the plan of salvation. He explained that yes it was a worthless book!
Funny