Almost two years ago in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the church my brother Roy attends in far north Dallas sent construction materials and work crews to Louisiana. I went with Roy's crew to Mandeville where we did repairs to a flooded church. The main chapel sits on piers, so it was mostly spared, but the annex (which sits on a concrete slab) was filled with muck, so everything four feet and below had to be gutted. Before we returned to finish the job a few weeks later, Roy decided to send out a flier inviting people to join us. He asked for suggestions on how to word the invitation, so I submitted the following:
Mandeville Shores Resort Hotel is located in the heart of Mandeville, Louisiana - just a leisurely stroll from the placid shore of rainbow-surfaced Lake Pontchartrain. Yet it's only a short ten-to-twelve-hour drive from the shops and restaurants of Frisco, Texas. You'll find a vacation at Mandeville Shores the ideal therapy for those who just want to get away from it all!
Resort guests can expect a subtropical climate, trees laden with Spanish moss and storm debris, and all the ambience this petrochemical-rich region has to offer. Mandeville Shores is a favorite among blue-collar vacationers and is renowned for its atmosphere filled with minerals and natural fiber (gypsum grit and sawdust). Your delectable meals will be filling (and occasionally even warm) -- the finest cuisine Sam's Club has to offer, prepared as only a RadarRange can.
During your activity-filled days, you'll feel absolutely liberated from those frivolous resort diversions such as scuba diving, snorkeling, sailing, fishing and guided eco-tour excursions. Rather, you'll be engaged in productive activities that are sure to aid you in achieving that trim figure you've always wanted. For the skillful, there's on-the-job training on the proper use of power tools. For the semi-skilled, hand-tool practice and weight-lifting. For the arthritic, therapeutic exercise. For the cerebral ... uh ... a well-deserved break from mental exertion.
After your activity-filled day, at nightfall you'll retreat to your spacious semi-private suite where you'll be serenaded by the stentorian pulmonations of your fellow vacationers. Your abode of worshipful repose will be elegantly simple -- unencumbered by extravagances such as a kitchenette, dining area, shower, cable television, telephone, Internet connection or bed. You and your Christian brothers will sleep in a quaint chapel (that was flooded only as high as the baseboards), and slumber on a cloud of air (if you remember to bring your air mattress and a pump). And this lovely stained-glass-windowed sanctuary is just a short nature walk from the nearest hygiene facilities.
Come join your fellow laborers in the Lord's field - "the fields are white unto harvest" (well, at least white unto drywall dust).
I have no idea whether Roy actually used my travel brochure (but I kinda doubt it).
Mandeville Shores Resort Hotel is located in the heart of Mandeville, Louisiana - just a leisurely stroll from the placid shore of rainbow-surfaced Lake Pontchartrain. Yet it's only a short ten-to-twelve-hour drive from the shops and restaurants of Frisco, Texas. You'll find a vacation at Mandeville Shores the ideal therapy for those who just want to get away from it all!
Resort guests can expect a subtropical climate, trees laden with Spanish moss and storm debris, and all the ambience this petrochemical-rich region has to offer. Mandeville Shores is a favorite among blue-collar vacationers and is renowned for its atmosphere filled with minerals and natural fiber (gypsum grit and sawdust). Your delectable meals will be filling (and occasionally even warm) -- the finest cuisine Sam's Club has to offer, prepared as only a RadarRange can.
During your activity-filled days, you'll feel absolutely liberated from those frivolous resort diversions such as scuba diving, snorkeling, sailing, fishing and guided eco-tour excursions. Rather, you'll be engaged in productive activities that are sure to aid you in achieving that trim figure you've always wanted. For the skillful, there's on-the-job training on the proper use of power tools. For the semi-skilled, hand-tool practice and weight-lifting. For the arthritic, therapeutic exercise. For the cerebral ... uh ... a well-deserved break from mental exertion.
After your activity-filled day, at nightfall you'll retreat to your spacious semi-private suite where you'll be serenaded by the stentorian pulmonations of your fellow vacationers. Your abode of worshipful repose will be elegantly simple -- unencumbered by extravagances such as a kitchenette, dining area, shower, cable television, telephone, Internet connection or bed. You and your Christian brothers will sleep in a quaint chapel (that was flooded only as high as the baseboards), and slumber on a cloud of air (if you remember to bring your air mattress and a pump). And this lovely stained-glass-windowed sanctuary is just a short nature walk from the nearest hygiene facilities.
Come join your fellow laborers in the Lord's field - "the fields are white unto harvest" (well, at least white unto drywall dust).
I have no idea whether Roy actually used my travel brochure (but I kinda doubt it).
4 comments:
oh I LOVE it. See, I would have come for a visit. Granted I think I would have enjoyed the trim figure before I went but at least it would have been helpful in achieving that goal.
I hope he did use it. Your wit added some much needed humor to a grave situation.
Your writing style is refreshing.
Still waiting for your next brilliant piece
It's only because I love your writing so much that I come and nag you to write another brilliant piece...again...yet again...and again.
Post a Comment