Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Day Twelve of My Captivity...

Help!!! I've been catnapped! The woman put me in a box and took me to this place where I was caged and I heard dogs baying incessantly. Three and a half days later the man came for me. At first I was overjoyed at the thought of being rescued from the evil place the woman had put me. But when he transferred me from my cage back to the very same box the woman had used in my abduction, my hopes of freedom were dashed. "Oh no! The man and the woman are in on this together.

I loudly protested my reincarceration, so the man let out of the box, but still he held me prisoner in his car. Since then I've been permitted only short nighttime releases from my traveling cell. The man is now accompanied by an old man, whom I now believe is the mastermind of this ever-increasing cruelty. Though how the old man managed to turn my servants against me remains a mystery.

Since the man and the old man took custody of me, they've fed me nothing but cat food and water (and an occasional handful of Greenies) -- nearly nine days now. They've forced me to return to the cruel box whenever I have to relieve myself. They use me to thoroughly search the motel rooms where we spend our nights. (I hear hospitals get paid handsomely for their "cat scans", but I -- like a slave -- work without any compensation.)



As if all this weren't indignity enough, this morning I discovered they'd reshuffled the luggage in my mobile prison and crammed my normal place of repose tight against the ceiling of the car. It took my wandering across their laps, clawing their legs and shoulders, swiping my tail across their noses, crawling between the brake and accelerator pedals and walking on the dashboard in front of the driver (while we were traveling mountain roads at high speed) before they'd stop the vehicle and put the luggage right. I know all this stress must have caused me to lose at least two pounds of fur -- most of which my captors have greedily inhaled. (I hope they come down with "cat lung" disease.)



But only slowly have I come to realize the real horror of their diabolical schemes. At first I didn't know what was happening, but as time has gone by I've realized that the days have grown longer and longer and the nights (my fleeting moments to roam freely) have dwindled down to seeming minutes. It appears these non-nocturnal creatures are taking me to a nightmare world where ... {shutter} ... there is no night.

Oh, the humanity!

8 comments:

Jerry said...

Andy posted on Facebook that you are now back in the United States. As a result I can dispense with the translation into French.

However...

Press one for English, Prensa dos para el español.

Andrés fijó en Facebook que usted ahora está detrás en los Estados Unidos. Consecuentemente puedo dispensar con la traducción en francés.

Welcome to America!

¡Recepción a América!

leeann said...

Monkey will be suffering the same ignobility when we move. Three days in the car with her squalling and smuggling her into motel rooms at night.
On the upside, lots to blog about.

JDP said...

Haven't checked in on you for a while Bob and it appears you took the opportunity to go far far away. Have a safe trip and enjoy!

JDP

joyce said...

Poor Emma cat. All those tee-tiny Canadian chipmonks, too.

Gladys said...

Now see that's the difference between a cat and a dog. The dog would just say "goin for a ride. goin for a ride. Look a Tree! Goin for a ride"

Mrs. JP said...

Oh, Emma you poor thing. I've been asking about you but I bet you haven't even got the message. Day creatures,,ug

Mrs. Who said...

Poor kitty...hang in there...almost there!

Bob said...

Hi All--
I just wanted you to know, I'm in heaven! A place where the nicest crazycatlady is taking care of me (and nine other cats). She talks to us constantly, let's us out of our spacious apartments one at a time and lets us roam around the kennel (a room of her house outfitted with everything a cat could ever want). The evil old man is nowhere in sight, and the man said something about picking me back up in a week, maybe longer if they haven't found a place to stay by then. No hurry -- I think I'm gonna really like crazycatlady!