Monday, June 8, 2009

She's Leaving Me for Good

I knew it would happen someday. Eventually Joyce was bound to leave me and return to her relatives. But I never dreamed the relatives would be our own kids. And it's lucky for me Joyce is leaving after I go to work tomorrow and she'll probably be back before I get home. My bride is on a mission -- fetching a twin bed from Lawton Oklahoma -- for lo, James's tiny apartment isn't big enough to hold both the old twin and the new queen-size. Besides this old house can use the extra furnishings, seeing how nearly all the bedding that once abided here has wandered away with the children.

The delivery of a bed to a near newlywed reminds me of a story -- our going shopping with my mom at Sears (the same Sears store at Five Points in El Paso where we used to jerk Santa's beard every December). Anyway, this shopping excursion was years after we did the investigative journalist trick on old Saint Nick. Roy and I were now both in college. We were over in the furniture section where Mom was shopping for a bed for my oldest brother Joel who was soon to be married. The bed was selected -- Roy and I were standing beside Mom at the register. Mom just had to share her news with the sales clerk, "This bed is for my oldest son who's getting married."

The sales lady (clearly intrigued by this information) inquired, "What kind of casters would you like?"

Mom gazed toward the ceiling, deep in thought. Finally she looked over to Roy and me, "Should I buy the regular casters or the heavy-duty ones?"

Then without waiting for our reply (as if simply verbalizing the question made the answer obvious) she became resolute, "We'd better get the heavy-duty ones -- you know how Joel likes to pounce on things."

Simultaneously Roy and I smacked our foreheads and Mom blushed, "You have such filthy minds."

But back to Joyce's finally leaving me -- tonight she was watching a clip in which Ben Stein enjoins everyone to get a dog. Joyce turned to me and said, "If I should get in a traffic accident tomorrow and God takes me to heaven-home, be sure to get a dog."

I of course answered, "You mean to tell me dogs can do laundry?"

13 comments:

LadyBugCrossing said...

hahahahahahahaha!!!
I almost squirted tea out my nose!

Thanks for the giggle!
LBC

Bag Blog said...

You bad boys!

Jerry said...

That last comment will land you in the dog house.

JP said...

Funny stuff, thanks for the laugh this morning!

If dogs could do laundry, I would be able to quit working and just let our six run the local cleaners. Notice your wife didn't suggest you get a younger, newer model if she passed away? Of course, come to think of it, dogs are easier to train than wives are...

Mrs. JP said...

JP, must think he's an anonymous poster or that I'll forget the "younger model" comment before I cook supper.
Anyway, your poor Mom. I bet she could've melted into the floor.
Are you gearing up for the road trip? This news has really concerned me. Can you tell?
Have a great day,,,we need a follow up on "the mission."

joyce said...

Ha. I survived. It is a beautiful drive from Fort Worth to Lawton. Wide open spaces. I love the orange dirt, too.

I suggested Bob will need a wife, too, hopefully his next wife will be skinny. He has endured a fat model for over thirty years.

Now we have the beds we need for the wedding guests, and James has a beautiful new bed with a sturdy frame for his new bride.

Gradual Dazzle said...

If you find a dog that does laundry, let me know. I want one of those.

The Friendly Neighborhood Piper said...

So do tell...did you and your accomplice find an old raggedy set of screetchy box springs for that bed?

joyce said...

Wasn't this the dear sister-in-law y'all decided (conspired) to all say looked like Tammy Wynette??

And the same sister-in-law our 4 year old (at the time) asked at a funeral, if she was the aunt who died?

Gladys said...

I love it. Someday I'll tell you the story of the mirror over my parents bed.

My dog does laundry. She pulls the sheets off the clothes line and drags them around the yard.

joyce said...

Roy and Sally offered us a mirror to put over our bed... I think it would make the room seem bigger.

And as along as it cleared the ceiling fan blades...but, I think Ben took it to his apartment. It had a fancy frame and everything.

Bob said...

Joyceee--
Knowing Roy, any mirror he gave us to hang on the ceiling over our bed would make things look smaller. And let's not spoil it for Mona -- she still thinks she looks like Tammy Wynette.

Gladys--
That dog probably talks too -- but she's such a liar, right?

Piper--
Yeah, Joyce and James accomplished the mission. James is all ready for his bride.

Gradual Dazzle--
Check with Gladys.

Mrs JP--
That wasn't JP that said that -- I was channeling.

JP--
I don't think she's buying this.

Jerry--
We got rid of the doghouse when the dog died (lucky for me).

Bag Blog--
We try.

Ladybug--
Don't chew tobacco.

Bou said...

Good grief, I am laughing! OK, it is begging the question, did you get the heavy duty castors for James? Heh! I'm so laughing at your Mom. That is something my Mom would say... with my siblings just standing there wide eyed. I can't quit laughing...