Wednesday, March 11, 2009


I used to work in Fort Worth, but a couple of years ago the company decided our department needed to operate out of downtown Dallas. The manager over our group held a slogan contest, and (in an effort to put a positive spin on this move) we were each asked to submit a pithy epithet. I think the winning entry was something like: "Moving Up". I was, of course, disappointed that my entry didn't win the bobblehead doll, but I have to acknowledge it was a bit long.

{Sung to the tune of Petula Clark's hit: "Downtown"

When you're a clone
Your cube is making you lonely,
There's a brand new low ... downtown.
In those environs,
All the noise of the sirens
Seem to stop ... you know ... downtown.

Just listen to the cursing of the streetfolk in the city,
Feces on the sidewalk where a bum just begged for pity ...
Barfing his booze.

Your odds are much slighter there
You can hear the bums mumble, hear 'em all swear and blow ...
Downtown, life is a waste while you're ...
Downtown, bums in your face for sure ...
Downtown, everything's waiting for you.

Don't hang around
And let the darkness surround you
There are crackhead hos ... downtown.
Maybe you've seen
That little guy in a trenchcoat
Likes to show his hose ... downtown.

And there's someone who looks a lot like Anna Kournikova,
And she'll be dancing on the bar before the night is over ...
She is a guy.

Her cheeks are much tighter there
You then'll see her beard stubble, see her pit hair and blow ...
Downtown, life is a waste while you're ...
Downtown, queers in your face for sure ...
Downtown, everything's waiting for you.
(Downtown ... downtown)


And you may find that you don't mind the stench that overwhelms you,
Dodging poo is okay too, but draw the line at those who ...
Preach on the train.

At end of day leave it there.
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and blow ...
Downtown, life is a waste while you're ...
Downtown, scum in your face for sure ...
Downtown, everything's fading from view.

Downtown (downtown) downtown (downtown)
Downtown (downtown) downtown (downtown)
(repeat and fade out)


Jerry said...

We would have been disappointed if there had not been a couple of scatological references.

Bob said...

Scatological references? No, I try not to get into religious arguments.

Bag Blog said...

Right out of college my husband went to work for a company in One Main Place in downtown Dallas. He absolutely hated it.

Bob said...

I worked in downtown Dallas for thirteen years and just didn't know how bad I had it. Then the job moved to Fort Worth and I discovered that you don't have to fight traffic, drive into the sun both to and from work, and rub elbows with street people. Oh well, there's good and bad in everything.

Hula Doula said...

Have you thought of writing musicals? Just sayin' hee hee

Teresa said...

LOL - I've never been to Dallas. (well, Texas for that matter) so I have no idea what kind of city it is, but I love the musical version... it's a hoot.

I like Chicago, well, except in the winter when it's 100 below zero... but that does tend to move the homeless off the streets for a while.

Then again I'm kinda odd in that I like cities with stuff going on. LOL.

Gladys said...

I have never worke in downtown Dallass but I have gone to seminars down there and I got to my hotel and did not go anywhere once I got there until it was time to leave. The traffic was just too much for me...oh and I live in California...right between San Diego and Los Angeles. Where the distance between two places isn't measured in miles it's measured by time in traffic

Burkulater said...

All I can picture is Mary Tyler Moore's gleeful face waltzing by all of these images!

Bob said...

Dallas is no Minneapolis (and that's good mostly). I'd never thought about it, but the theme to the Mary Tyler Moore Show did sound a bit like "Downtown".

Actually, as big cities go, Dallas isn't all that bad, though it is kinda spooky at night. It's just that downtown Fort Worth is so much nicer -- more like a big city downtown from the fifties: well-lit, movie theaters, restaurants ... It's made a big comeback from the tornado that hit in the Spring of 2000.

I'm just not a big city kinda guy.

I thought about it, but decided engineering is steadier work.

Buck said...

One of the better things about working for EDS was the fact that Perot moved the HQ to Plano before I hired on. I say that because nearly everyone had to make the hajj at one time or another, and I was unfortunate enough to have to go several times a year (from Dee-troit, later Rochester, NY). Better Plano than Forest Lane, ya know... even it was about 145 degrees in the shade, in August. ;-)