Sunday, January 25, 2009

Six Days of Creation

Barack Obama has now been the President for six days. In the course of those six days he's issued about as many executive orders. Initially, I thought: "This flurry of edicts from an executive branch is totally unprecedented!" But then it struck me, "There's nothing new about this." Our chief executive is simply un-doing what's been done before.

Genesis 1:1-2:2 In the beginning Obama elated the heathens of the earth.
v2 And the voters were without thought -- androids. And darkness was upon the faces of the creeps. And the Spirit of Obama moved upon those faces unbothered.
v3 And Obama said, Let there be no Gitmo: but there was still Gitmo.
v4 And Obama saw Gitmo, that it was bad: so Obama provided the habeas and the corpus.
v5 And Obama called up Gitmo Bay, and habeas corpus he called a right. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
v6 And Obama said, "Let there be a two-billion-dollar commitment to funding abortions, and let us cut the babies from their mothers' wombs."
v7 And Obama made the commitment, and cut the babies who were unborn from the mothers who were unable to pay: and it was so.
v8 And Obama called the commitment good. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
v9 And Obama said, "Let all embryos in freezers be gathered together unto one place, and let the stem cells appear." And it was so.
v10 And Obama called the stem cells of worth; but gathering together of the embryos he called debris: and Obama said that it was good.
v11 And Obama said, "Let the stem cells bring forth cures, let us clone every breed, and let each breed yield a breed of another kind (whose seed is unlike itself) upon the earth." And it was so.
v12 And embryonic stem cells brought forth no cures, and clones yielded flawed seed after their kind, and the breeds yielded freaks whose seed was unlike itself, but another kind: and Obama said that it was good.
v13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.
v14 And Obama said, "Let there be no tribunals at Gitmo or CSRT hearings to divide the good from the evil; and let all be released for a season: for days, and years:
v15 And let the detainees at Gitmo be sent packing to set fire to the earth." And it was so.
v16 And Obama created two great rights; the greater right to sue all day, and the lesser right to skulk at night: he freed illegals also.
v17 And Obama set them free under heaven to wreak havoc upon the earth,
v18 And to terrorize by day and by night, and to claim the rights won by our soldiers: and Obama said that it was good.
v19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
v20 And Obama said, "Let the illegals breed abundantly in U.S. hospitals at taxpayer expense, and drop anchor babies along the border in violation of law."
v21 And Obama created great waves of immigrants who move, which the border brought forth abundantly after their kind, and every drug-runner after his kind: and Obama said that it was good.
v22 And Obama blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the border from sea to sea, and let drug trafficking multiply in the land."
v23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
v24 And Obama said, Let the perverts be allowed to marry according to their tastes: with cattle, and creeping things, with beast of the earth -- each according his druthers: and it was so.
v25 And Obama blessed the deviants of the earth to pork as they please, with cattle of every kind, with every thing that creepeth upon the earth -- according his druthers: and Obama said that it was good.
v26 And Obama said, "Let us re-make man in my image, after my likeness: and let the fish of the sea have precedence over them, and the fowl of the air be over them, and the cattle be over them, and all the earth over them, and let every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth be over mankind."
v27 So Obama re-created man in his own image, in the image of Obama created he them; male with male created he them.
v28 And Obama blessed them, and Obama said unto them, "Be fruitless and divide, and foul the earth, and be subdued by it: and be less valuable than the fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air, and every living thing that moveth upon the earth."
v29 And Obama said, "Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; of veggies you shall eat, but no meat.
v30 And eat no beast of the earth, and no fowl of the air, and nothing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life. I have given every green herb, but no meat." And it was so.
v31 And Obama saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it seemed very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
2:1 Thus the heathens of the earth are famished, all the host of them.
v2 So on the seventh day will Obama praise his edicts which he has made; but he will not rest on the seventh day from all his work which he has just begun.

7 comments:

Jerry said...

And on the seventh day he sneaked a cigarette.

joyce said...

No, on the sixth and seventh day he started smoking his herbs

and somewhere insert how obama proclaims pick up trash, but the hearers trashed the mall.

Bob said...

Joyceee--
Yeah, I suspect there'll be a lot more herb smoking in the Whitehouse now.

Jerry--
I think the smokes will come at the end -- rising up from the abyss, you know. I did try to stay with actual executive orders (though admittedly I wandered off topic with the vegan thing).

The Flyer said...

I wouldn't sweat the vegan reference, Bob. It's probably only a matter of time...

Hula Dula said...

I so have eto let my father read this. He would be in awe.

Mrs. Who said...

Watch out...the Obamessiah will have you writing his memoirs...

Bob said...

Mrs Who--
No sweat. The Obamessiah's memoirs are already recorded in Revelation.

Hula--
Senior citizens are my target audience.

Flyer--
Yeah, probably.