My dad used to listen to talk radio all the time. It tickled me that he'd get all worked up about Super Handyman Al Carroll's giving out bad advice: "You idiot! That's just stupid. You can't stop a wood floor from squeaking by spraying WD40 on it!"
But as that old saying goes, what goes around comes around. Recently that old man who speaks only when the radio needs correcting has been mocking me when I shave. So, the time has come for me to confess: "Hello! My name is Bob, and I ... am a geezer. I'm powerless to kick my AM radio addiction."
Of course, I haven't gotten past step one of my twelve-step, and I see little evidence that I'll be making any further progress soon. In fact, my pusher has been cranking up the potency of my drug. Lately I've been mainlining Mark Levin and I find myself suffering severe withdrawal when the local station interrupts Mark in favor of Dallas Stars play-by-play. I mean, Get real! Honestly, can anyone actually tell the difference between a radio broadcast of a hockey game and a spirited reading of a Czechoslovakian phone book?
Anyway, recently I was listening to the morning show and I heard some banter between the host and the sports reporter that went something like this:
Today is the birthday of Rosa Lee Parks. Born in 1912, that makes her 96 years old today. Wow, still alive at 96. That's amazing!
Well, yes. That would be amazing ... if it were true. But Rosa Parks died four years ago.
Oh! ... Uh, well - you must be thinking of Rosa Parks - the lady on the bus in Alabama. I was talking about Rosa "Lee" Parks.
So you're telling me that this Rosa "Lee" Parks is a different person than Rosa Parks?
Well of course she is. It's a lot like the difference between Jerry Lewis and Jerry "Lee" Lewis. You know, the French can't stand Jerry Lee Lewis.
So what did this Rosa "Lee" Parks do?
Do? Why would she have to do anything?
No, no! If this Rosa "Lee" Parks is so famous, what exactly is she famous for?
Well, before she married MacArthur Parks, she was just Rosa Lee, Sara's sister. No doubt you've heard of Sara Lee. Anyway Rosa and Sara had a bakery, but they had a falling out when Rosa left a cake out in the rain and Sara never found that recipe again. After Rosa Lee left the business, Sara Lee went on to built a pastry empire. (Maybe you've heard of their other sisters, Brenda and Vivian.)
Any relation to Robert E. Lee?
Don't be silly!
It's astounding, the things you know.
I amaze myself sometimes.
But as that old saying goes, what goes around comes around. Recently that old man who speaks only when the radio needs correcting has been mocking me when I shave. So, the time has come for me to confess: "Hello! My name is Bob, and I ... am a geezer. I'm powerless to kick my AM radio addiction."
Of course, I haven't gotten past step one of my twelve-step, and I see little evidence that I'll be making any further progress soon. In fact, my pusher has been cranking up the potency of my drug. Lately I've been mainlining Mark Levin and I find myself suffering severe withdrawal when the local station interrupts Mark in favor of Dallas Stars play-by-play. I mean, Get real! Honestly, can anyone actually tell the difference between a radio broadcast of a hockey game and a spirited reading of a Czechoslovakian phone book?
Anyway, recently I was listening to the morning show and I heard some banter between the host and the sports reporter that went something like this:
Today is the birthday of Rosa Lee Parks. Born in 1912, that makes her 96 years old today. Wow, still alive at 96. That's amazing!
Well, yes. That would be amazing ... if it were true. But Rosa Parks died four years ago.
Oh! ... Uh, well - you must be thinking of Rosa Parks - the lady on the bus in Alabama. I was talking about Rosa "Lee" Parks.
So you're telling me that this Rosa "Lee" Parks is a different person than Rosa Parks?
Well of course she is. It's a lot like the difference between Jerry Lewis and Jerry "Lee" Lewis. You know, the French can't stand Jerry Lee Lewis.
So what did this Rosa "Lee" Parks do?
Do? Why would she have to do anything?
No, no! If this Rosa "Lee" Parks is so famous, what exactly is she famous for?
Well, before she married MacArthur Parks, she was just Rosa Lee, Sara's sister. No doubt you've heard of Sara Lee. Anyway Rosa and Sara had a bakery, but they had a falling out when Rosa left a cake out in the rain and Sara never found that recipe again. After Rosa Lee left the business, Sara Lee went on to built a pastry empire. (Maybe you've heard of their other sisters, Brenda and Vivian.)
Any relation to Robert E. Lee?
Don't be silly!
It's astounding, the things you know.
I amaze myself sometimes.
4 comments:
"Hello! My name is Bob, and I ... am a geezer. I'm powerless to kick my AM radio addiction."
Have no fear, help is on the way.
The new Democratic Congress promises to re-enact the "fairness" doctrine, and will help you to kick your habit by destroying AM radio.
And to think that I voted a straight Republican ticket yesterday. If I had known that you needed this help I would have voted differently.
(Nah, I think that seeing you "suffer" your addiction is reason enough to vote as I did.)
Saturdays are too quiet without Hal Jay, Mark Davis, Rush, and Mark Levine and Laura Ingram. And at night when I can't sleep, the radio truckers---conservative pair if there ever was one, MacNamara and Eric Harley. I like what they said last night to that whine about our country being divided---sure it has, and that is okay. Look at the founding fathers, and then the civil war. We bicker in a healthy way about big government versus states rights. (my remembering--not exact quotes)
Joyce--
It's good to have something in common -- even if it's an addiction.
Jerry--
I'm afraid the Fairness Doctrine would just drive me to alternative (and probably more dangerous) addictions. You did well to vote Republican.
I used to be addicted to TV talk-shows and certain soap operas when my son was a baby. I had to go cold turkey to kick the habit. Every now and then I am temped to watch Regis and Kelly, but then The View comes on and I get sick to my stomach.
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